the Aspie Century
standard job interview
level of importance: intermediate
location: European World Quarter
AI (Aspie interviewer):
– welcome to the Aspie Century Inc.
your name please, and the world quarter
– thank you for the opportunity, my name is (fill in the blank), North American
AI: i should have asked for a more precise location, if you don’t mind
AI: i see, on the border of former United States and former Canada, the city is the fastest growing in the region ..
Ap: yes, the city produces all transport for the entire North & South American quarters, including exports to the rest of the planet
AI: we’ve ran standard genotype and detailed DNA tests prior to interview.. and it’s come out well, with a few worrying factors..
Ap: i’m aware, i did not take the time to go thru therapy
AI: this is clear.. however this has to be done before you start the job..
if you qualify our labs will take care of it for you
Ap: may i ask, is it going to be covered by health insurance?
AI: (looks at the applicant with incredulity on her face) what do you mean by that?
Ap: health insurance.. in case i get sick i get care expenses covered by..
AI: (calling her friend) hey, it’s me A, got a minute my dear? listen.. i got an interview here from the NA quarter, i thot health insurance corps were banned as predatory..
no.. not yet? how is it even possible? oh, banned most of them, a few remain .. blood suckers, okay ill call you later, got to finish this interview..
AI: we take care of your health problems prior to your starting the job
AI: as i said we ran all necessary tests, and they show a few problems, which are easily curable with gene therapy…
Ap: what problems are those, I’m interested to find out
AI: your genotype is mixed, you have traces of foreign species DNA, it’s the biggest problem because it results in emotional disturbances;
Ap: is this disqualifying?
AI: it would be a few years ago, but not necessarily, depends on other factors
Ap: such as?
AI: depends how you answer the rest of the questions
AI: do you or any other family member practice or practiced any religion?
AI: good, I need to inform you that we are also running a truth/lie test on you at the moment while you sit on our digitized chair
Ap: (clear unease) I do not practice any religious forms of superstition
AI: excellent, we are looking for the right rationality vs delusion ratio for the intermediate job at the company
AI: can you remember how many generations, up to 7, did not practice superstition aka religion?
Ap: not sure, but at least two
AI: no worries, we’ll check it out
so far so good.. we’ve found that at age 40 your DNA will start printing an excess amount of white blood cells, somewhere around June 1st..
Ap: o, god.. sorry! that’s cancer…
AI: yes, it used to be called cancer, the name was misleading..
good we checked all diseases for you, we’ll definitely take care of this for you
if you’re not hired, submit your DNA results to the Gene Therapy Institute
Ap: yes, thank you..
AI: we are aware many NTs still don’t trust our technology, which is worrying of course, we’re working on finding a way to speed up evolution for those unfortunate human beings..
Ap: what seems to be the problem with us?
AI: what doesn’t seem the problem with you? (laughing)
we’re working on how to improve your mirror neuron growth, it’s below the Aspie numbers
Ap: mirror neurons?
AI: yes, mirror neurons, or empathy, used to be called empathy, it’s a misconception like a slew of other NT misconceptions
Ok, we are running a few more tests.. tomorrow interview phase two, after you complete our special IQ test, and a physical health test in our lab
i have another applicant waiting..
Ap: what are my chances? how did i do? you already know if i’m qualified, don’t you?
AI: i do (smiling)
Ap: why can’t you tell me???
come back tomorrow ..
Will the applicant be hired? What else is required to work, live, and function in the Aspie Century?
The next day, late afternoon.
AI: thank you for coming early in the morning to take the physical exam and our IQ test.
The results are in and they are satisfactory, with a couple worrying factors, that can easily be corrected by us..
Ap: i’m very eager to start ..? (with an expectation on his face)
AI: first your health is fairly within the norm, with an exception of high sugar..
we’re going to put you on a mandatory sugar free diet to lower toxicity
in order to work for us, tobacco and alcohol use is forbidden and you will need to agree to this..
we will draw a contract with all stipulations for you to read and sign, there’s many..
Ap: like? (eyes wide open)
AI: absolutely no plastic on the premises, that includes gum ..
AI: gum is made of plastic
AI: you will be given a choice of three apartments: single, double or family
Ap: how much is the rent?
AI: it’s free, everything included: furniture, utensils, utilities, etc
our buildings are prefab, built sustainably from natural materials by our contractors..
plastic is forbidden, there’s no trash pick up necessary, as it’s forbidden as well..
food is provided by our ‘slow food’ kitchens, specifically tailored to your diet needs
we have our own clean water wells, and filtering systems..
our energy is thermal, drawn from deep within the ground, and solar of course, we’re completely off the grid
Ap: this is so different from what i’m used to in the North quarter
AI: i know
you passed the IQ test, it was important that you exceed the 100 points mark, which is unusual among NTs
although your thought processes are still more linear than spatial, but that’s to be expected
Ap: (listening intently) …
AI: congratulations, welcome to the Aspie Century 3013!
Ap: thank you!
AI: you can start tomorrow in the morning..
Ap: what time?
AI: anytime you wish, we don’t clock anybody in or out
however, be sure to schedule your genetic therapy at our GTI as soon as possible..
also, pick up your diet prescription tomorrow and submit it to our cooks..
next applicant please
The Aspie world is the world the way it should be.
There’s absolutely no reason that someone should be hungry, or homeless. There’s no shortage of food on the planet, more food is being wasted to cover the rest who have nothing to eat.
Nature is astoundingly generous in giving us food, so should we.
There’s absolutely no reason for us not to cure all diseases, and no reason for any one to have to pay for it. Free healthcare for all is the ethical choice, but it also is a higher goal to take care of our human kind and our children.
There’s no reason for everyone not to live a sustainable, waste free life.
There’s no reason we cannot build affordable modern and sustainable architecture, and infrastructure.
The Aspie Century will take place, there is no doubt in my mind.
This is not: ‘I have a dream’ type of speech, this is reality.